Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my nose is crying tears of wow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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