we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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