who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
