Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
