My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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