i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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