When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
