I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
