i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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