i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
