you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
