Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
