Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
