so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
