i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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