he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
