I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
