I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
