I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
