Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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