I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
