I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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