covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
