i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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