I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And then my night got REAL pukey
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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