Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
