Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
