You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
