So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
