Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
