Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
