So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
