Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
