Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
