hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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