Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
