During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Shame - the story of my life.
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