he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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