Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
