I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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