do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We had sex on a dog bed..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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