wakey wakey hands off snakey
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
