The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
