like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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