there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
