sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm always down for nudity.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
