does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Randomize
