The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
