Duck Duck Cougar?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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