:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
