I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
