my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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