No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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