Her vagina should come with caution tape.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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