Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
