There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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